Beer is a gateway drug to aspirin.
If Justin Beiber and Rebecca Black were drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
I had a messy fling with an older woman once. You should have heard her scream when I let go of the catapult.
Movember just reminds me that I inherited my Dad's inability to grow facial hair. Why couldn't I be more like my mom?
Taking an extended break from Facebook. Be back in 15 minutes.
If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
How much do you think Tom would freak out if we all went back to MySpace right now?