A plastic surgeon gets paid way more than a tire mechanic even though they both get paid to fix flats.
I've been trying to throw away my garbage can for 7 months.
I'm a cubic zirconia in the rough.
Halloween is the season for haunted hayrides. How much would your afterlife suck if you were forced to haunt hay for eternity?
Why do people say "Nice to meet you" before I've even said anything? How do you know it's nice to meet me? I'm a jerk.
I want "Wake me if anything cool happens" on my tombstone.
Facebook is still the best way to keep in touch with people you don't want to keep in touch with.