She told me she eats fruit when she’s hungover because it has more water than water.
Old people at weddings always poke me n say "You're Next". So I started doing the same to them at funerals....
Angelina & Brad called their biological daughter Shiloh. I think we should all pray that little Shiloh Pitt is not dyslexic.
i was taking a shower when my mom told me i had my clothes on.
I'm not allowed to watch Harry Potter without reading the bible afterwards lol .
Actual male human just asked if he could lick the bottom of my shoes. I mean, I know they're Charlotte Olympias but WHOA.
On average, humans have one testicle.