If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
Let my little brother take my paddle to school for show and tell. Mom called to tell me he got sent home for "trying to haze the red headed kids at recess."
I want a massage, so I'm going to tape scratch-offs to my back to lure in some unsuspecting gas station vagrants.
You know who's the WORST name-dropper? My good friend Will Smith.
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can't watch Breaking Bad.
Just saw the coolest magic trick at Qdoba! This guy turned 30 cents worth of rice and beans into $7.50
math always makes me want to give a blowjob to a really sharp knife