I've learned I can put an end to close talkers by sneaking in for a quick kiss.
I don't see dead people, I just see people that I wish were dead.
I hate when my variety pack of Band-Aids runs low and I have to make sure that any cuts I get fit the remaining sizes.
When I am bored I like to call random numbers and leave a message that says "I love you too"
Need to kill a few hours? Give someone with OCD a bowl of Alphabet Soup.
When I was a little kid I thought a bearded lady was a mythical creature only found at the circus, now I get to work with 3 of them.
I hate double standards. If my wife calls me 'daddy' during sex, it's supposed to be hot. I call her 'mommy' and it's game over.