Nothing makes me question my manhood while at work more than the times I need to change the bottle on the water cooler.
Here's a note I left myself last night, for today: "Look at your to-do lists from Thu - Sun. Now actually do that stuff."
Watching Hugh Hefner have sex must be like watching someone try to puncture a Capri Sun pouch with an earthworm.
Thinking of visiting the Alzheimer's wing of the nursing home and pretending to be everyone's grandson again for the free hugs.
I hate meeting new people, they're all like crying and covered in placenta and stuff.
Are you SURE you hung up the phone before you started trashing the person you were just talking to?" -- My brain, being a jerk
Plenty of fishes in the sea, I just suck at fishing.