You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
You say "restraining order", I say "long distance relationship."
Squirrels. Tiny parachutes. Slingshot. Weekend planned.
Roses are red. Facebook is blue. No mutual friends. Who the hell are you?
I bet there'd be a lot more murders if we could see farts.
That guy is such a douchebag! Is he single? Maybe I can fix him!" - women
Preparing for the worst, keeping buckets handy & filling the bathtub w/ water so I can flush the toilet. What hurricane? Mexican for dinner.