I always chase joggers with my car to motivate them. It's a thankless job.
Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Whenever a bird poops on my car I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.
It should be a law that you have to leave a note on the waffle box if you use the last of the syrup..
Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.
If you could watch my life backwards, you'd see a Jenny Craig success story.
They say there are no stupid questions, but in every meeting there is one person who tries to prove this incorrect.