I wish I could have as much fun making money as I do spending it.
It's hard to believe the US is in that bad an economic situation when people are still buying toilet training kits for cats from SkyMall.
Remember kids, if a stranger offers you drugs, say thank you, because drugs are expensive these days
Now that I'm older, I'd kill to be grounded to my room for a week.
The biggest mistake a married man can make, is correctly loading the dishwasher.
You know something I find funny? Paintings of Adam and Eve with belly buttons. Think about it.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.