If I were a shepherd, I would never take inventory of my flock for fear of falling asleep on the job.
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
I wish there was a way to turn bad books back into trees.
I just saw a book called "Twitter For Dummies." That seems about right.
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be happy to do it for you.
Not taking Standard and Poor's seriously until they downgrade Ke$ha to Ke¢ha.
If you're having trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.