WTF Statuses

I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti, and a future archeologist will have one awesome day at work.
I hope there is a god and his actually name is Gosh so all those people trying not to swear go straight to heck when they die.
I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?'
Voldemort: the original loser of the "got your nose" game.
If you're spending $10 on a single meal at Burger King, it might be time to step back and reevaluate your life.
I don't care what it's about, Parent Trap is a horror movie because there's two Lindsay Lohans.
The heaviest thing at the gym tonight was the irony of Chris Brown blaring during the women's kickboxing class.
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