How come I can get free wifi with a $3 cup of coffee but I can't get it with a $150 hotel room?
At the worst 4th of July party. Only one hot chick and a bunch of screaming kids. Oh wait, I’m at home.
I stand outside of One-Hour Photo booths and sing "One day my prints will come" to pass the time away.
My job in hell will be to provide 24/7 tech support to my elderly parents over the phone.
Want to see me spazz like someone with epilepsy? Lock me in a car with a mosquito.
Checking MySpace is like checking your underwear after a fart. There's probably nothing, but there's a slight chance it has something new.
Glow in the dark condoms. Now you see it. Now you don't.