Florida
Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
You don't actually wash your hands. They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
Getting money for your birthday is like passing ‘Go’ in Monopoly.
Opera is basically just screaming in cursive.
You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.
Weed is now legal in Canada. In other news, Taco Bell announces 697 new stores in Canada.
Xyuppi
The State Fair is hopefully the only place you see adults walking around with their newest stuffed animal.