WTF Statuses

The organ section of the black market does not have instruments.

Hey, anybody have a charger? My milk is at 2%.

I'm not stealing WI-FI. If it lands on my property, it's mine.

I bought a high definition TV because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on CSI

If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd probably come in fourth so I wouldn't need to walk up to the podium.

If you get excited that jumping on the bed won't spill the wineglass on the other side, you're probably an alcoholic.

All porn videos should start with 5 seconds music to remind you that your volume is turned up