If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Xyuppi
North Korea is like that angry drunk guy at a party. Everyone is trying to calm him down but he's convinced he needs to fight someone.
Xyuppi
I'm combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I'm sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven't hidden.
Chik-Fil-A Should post a big "We're Open" sign and leave cars in the lot tomorrow for April Fool's Day
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"