Insightful Statuses

Divorce (di·vorc·e; noun) The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

There are people out there whose job is to stab trees and boil their blood into breakfast gravy.

If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.

Hard shell tacos survive the factory, delivery trucks and the store but break as soon as you put something inside them.

At this point I believe politicians about as much as the letters column in Penthouse magazine.

Nothing you can ever accomplish will make your parents any happier than the first time you slept through the night.

Clapping is literally just slapping yourself because you like something .