Insightful Statuses

I'm pretty sure most people who walk around with ear pods in aren’t listening to anything and just don’t want anyone to talk to them.

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it at all on Facebook.

80% of adulthood is just unsubscribing from emails you no longer wish to receive.

Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website I think I should start uploading my bills.

I have all the world's knowledge at the very tips of my fingers where I can find the answers to life's most perplexing questions! and here I am googling "What did Oscar the Grouch do if he overslept on trash day?"

Gunpowder is just angry sand.

I’m going to write a modern Christmas song called “baby is cold outside” it’s the story of a woman arguing with her husband about the thermostat