Insightful Statuses

Don't judge a book by its movie.

Darn I just realized I missed the Emmys again which now makes like 10 years in a row.

I don't think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.

If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.

If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you'll get applause every 3 or 4 minutes.

If your hands don’t look like you just delivered a baby after eating ribs, you just didn't eat them right.

If a telemarketer calls, give the phone to your 3 year-old and tell them it's Santa.