Insightful Statuses

The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
When my wife said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkeys, I didn't believe her. Then I saw her face. . .
If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll definitely turn around and look.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn't then have to know them the rest of your life.
Sorry, guy outside grocery store with a heavy bag and one arm in a sling, but I can't help you. Ted Bundy ruined that for everyone.
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