Insightful Statuses

My mom left me a voicemail so long that I forgot it was a message and started taking to her.

I want to be a millionaire. Just like my dad! No, he wasn't a millionaire, but he always wanted to be.

I couldn’t find a parking spot at work today. So I went home. It seems to me they had plenty of people to work.

I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back.

If your ever wondering if a tree is of the Dogwood variety you could tell by its bark.

‪Roadside sobriety test are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet .

‪I used to sneak out of my house to go to parties. Now I sneak out of parties to go to my house. ‬