I need a site like match.com but for tupperware lids.
An egg salad is a chicken salad that is really underdone.
Whenever Im put on hold for more then 10 minutes I always wonder how long I'd have to wait if my call wasn't "Very Important" to them?
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
The Viagra commercial always says "Make sure your heart is healthy enough for sex" which is really insightful if you think about it.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.