I worry someone has already tweeted a cure for cancer but there was a typo so we just sighed and moved on
Last month my financial adviser said to invest in alcohol and drugs in this economy. This morning I found out he meant companies.
FACT: Vampires aren't on Tumblr because they can't take pictures of themselves in front of a mirror.
Runway modeling is a lot like car racing. High maintenance objects going in circles & the entertaining highlights are when someone crashes.
Marriage Tip: When your wife says "Do things to surprise me" she doesn't mean fill her purse with salsa and chips.
I don't understand how Casey Anthony and O.J. can get off for murder and I can't even get out of jury duty. Oh... wait, maybe I do.
When you're wrapping presents and you run out of paper, if you don't use the left over tube as a weapon, you're doing it wrong.