Xyuppi
I should win an Oscar for acting like I'm at work.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
I was addicted to Tide Pods. But, I’m clean now.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I'm not good enough to have something fancy like that.
Xyuppi
Don’t forget to turn your clock forward tonight to eliminate one hour of Trump’s Presidency.
This "Spring Forward" thing would be a lot more popular if we moved the clocks ahead at 2PM on Monday.