Insightful Statuses

Someone’s therapist knows all about you.

I set my clocks back this morning and had another breakfast.

2017 doesn't need an extra hour.

A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.

The risk I took was calculated, but MAN am I bad at math.

The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.