When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Whether you're a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k. I don’t think I can run that far...
I'd share my Netflix login but I'm too embarrassed by "My List".
Don't ask me how old I am on my birthday. It'll make me feel old and hate myself rather than be happy that it's my birthday.
You're one of a kind! Thank goodness...