Insightful Statuses

You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.

I wish I could go back to the days when a note from my mom could get me out of literally anything.

If you're looking for the wrong answers, you have come to the right place

If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.

Sometimes, I try to act nonchalant, but underneath I am super chalant.

I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.

I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.