Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I'm "the one," but isn't talking to a police officer.
Not even Clint Eastwood could make a Segway cop look badass.
I like to think I'm a pretty honest person, except when my dental hygienist asks me how often I've been flossing.
Tomorrow is less than an hour away in my time zone, so screw you Annie. Tomorrow is not always a day away.
On a first date I wear my karate gi from Jr High, so they feel protected.
Mickey Mouse's lawyer: "So you want to divorce Minnie because she's a little crazy?" Mickey: "No. I want to divorce Minnie because she's fuckin' Goofy!"
Imagine getting a text from 666 saying, 'just seeing what's up with you, see you soon.'