Insightful Statuses

Sorry I can’t go to the new Charlie Brown movie with you. I’m allergic to peanuts.
My kids are crying while eating ice cream. It doesn't make sense. I think they're broken.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Where have you been all my life? Please go back there.
If I had a dollar for every piece of useless trivia I know, I wouldn't have any money since the trivia is no longer useless if it can earn me money.
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