Every time I start to think that Facebook might be alright after all, I get 30 Farmville requests.
I would pay so much money to watch the Harlem Globetrotters change a baby.
Saw a monarch butterfly today, what made it special is that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on top of a strippers ass.
When I get overly proud of America, I simply remember that in 1999 we made Mambo No. 5 a number one hit.
Thanks to me, you'll probably start seeing 'For Display Only' signs on the toilets at Home Depot.
I think Father's Day should be celebrated with the activity that made us fathers.
I live in fear that one day the real "World's Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.