I almost sharted in a long line at the grocery store tonight. The whole time I felt like I was about to mule heroine through airport security.
Using Latin phrases to sound smart is my modus operandi.
The birds outside are chirping they seem to know its going to be a good day...oh wait..one just got hit by a car..figures.
Baby is now 4 days past due date. Now I’m afraid he’s been warned by our other kids.
Steve Jobs is getting his own comic book. It appears DC comics decided The Flash needed a new nemesis.
I can have any woman I please. So far, I haven't pleased any of them.
Today I sent out a text saying, "Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?" 12 people called me...I need smarter friends.