Insightful Statuses

It's impossible to tip-toe around without activating your T-Rex arms.

I've dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I'm getting smokin' hot is by getting cremated.

Lebron better than Jordan? Phsshh, we can talk when Lebron saves the Looney Toons from an Alien Race.

If you can’t say something nice about someone, you probably work at the same place I do.

I was in a bathroom and I saw a sign that said employees must wash hands. I waited a minute and no one came to wash my hands so I did it myself.

We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.

I’m 100% done with today and already about 72% done with tomorrow.