I Should Run A Marathon Backward So I Can See What 2nd Place Look Like...
The awkward moment when there's a guest over in your house and you would like them to leave but they won't.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
My daughter has decided to become a vegetarian. I'm frying bacon.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
It's gotta be weird stuffing money into a stripper's bikini when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it.
A good pun is its own reword.