A cat falls into a puddle of water. A chicken starts laughing hysterically. The moral of the story is "A Wet Pussy Makes A Cock Very Happy".
Guns don't kill people, dad's with pretty daughters do.
I'm not allowed to watch Harry Potter without reading the bible afterwards lol .
Say "I won a math debate" really fast.
Just wrote "he gets rescued from pirates by a timetravelling dinosaur in a hot air balloon" as a note to myself for tomorrow. I love my job.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
If a person is texting while walking through a crosswalk against oncoming traffic that has green light I think it should be legal to hit them