Insightful Statuses

Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.

Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself

Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos..

My New Year's resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.

Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!

I saw a man get his watch stolen rite from under his nose. What a strange place to keep a watch.

It's impossible to get a parking ticket if you don't have windshield wipers.