One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.
Hangovers are nature's way of grounding you as an adult.
Novell
I told Santa what I wanted for Christmas and he washed my mouth out with soap.
Novell
I would pick up a hitchhiker wearing an “I Heart Murder” t-shirt before I’d pick up a call from a blocked number.
Novell
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I've never been so mad that I pee'd myself.
Novell
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?