Insightful Statuses

I’m what you would call “indoorsy”

Dear Santa, before I try to explain...just how much do you already know?

I wonder if my dog always follows me into the bathroom when I have to go potty because I always follow him outside when he does and he just thinks that’s how it works

Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours

I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.

I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.

I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.