If you're feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
Someone should invent a clear toaster so we can see how toasted our toast is while it's toasting.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
Carpe Scrotum (grab life by the balls)
Novell
Kids have so many food allergies these days. In 15 years you’ll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.