Robert Zunick
My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
Amigo
The first assembly instruction for all IKEA furniture should be open 1 beer
I knew a girl that used to run outside naked every New Years. Sadly this year that streak came to an end.
Amigo
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
The best password cracking software is a pissed off ex.
Tim Tebow claims he's still training for the NFL. It's always possible they might need a holy waterboy.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she's just invisible right now. She's totally real though."