Insightful Statuses

Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.

When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.

I didn't give you the finger...you earned it.

I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.

Remember when the “M” in “MTV” stood for music and not morons?

I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.

Twitter is proof enough that people should not be allowed to name themselves.