Insightful Statuses

Taco Bell gift cards are a great idea. People can get food & gas all at the same time.

Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.

I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake.

I think the new Transformers movie would have done a lot better if GM didn't have to recall half the Autobots.

If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.