Insightful Statuses

If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.

Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.

I’ve robbed banks before…and they’re never getting their pens back

At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.

I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.

I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.

“Careful, there’s poop on the dance floor.” – how ballet was invented.