Just about every kid's mom lets them lick the mixer beaters when they were done. Leave it to mine not to turn them off first...
My kid is so great at sharing that the whole family has pink-eye!
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
When I get married, I hope my wife keeps her name. I'd have a hard time learning a new one after all that time together.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That's one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
I'm such a bad cook I even struggle to make reservations.
Hey, Canada, you know that junk isn't really bacon, right?