Insightful Statuses

Sometimes when I'm bored I like to go to the mall, find a great parking spot, and just sit in my car with the reverse lights on.

It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.

Nothing bonds women faster than finding out that they hate the same people.

Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.

The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.

It's ok if you don't agree with me. I can't force you to be right.

I think the only girl I know that hasn't said "you're like a brother to me" is my sister.