I never run voluntarily so if you ever see me running you should start running too because something freaky is coming.
How many pedants does it take to change a light bulb? The correct word is "replace", actually.
A guy came to my house last night, said he needed money for starving African children. I told him to get off my porch. What kind of awful person buys starving African children? Freak.
If you're ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
“Can I pet him or will he bite?” is a fun thing to ask parents that keep their kid on a leash.