I'm great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
If I had a twin that was like 2 mins younger that me I would always say 'when I was your age' and proceed to tell the what I did 2 mins ago
I've got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
It must've been tough being a magician in the 15th century. "Is this your card?" "Burn him! Burn the witch!!"
The difference between my "walking" and my "running" is mostly just arm movements.
Amigo
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
VSnake
You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like, ‘Screw it – just grab a pile of stuff. We’ll get a bag at the airport’.