You know technology has taken over when making peanut butter cookies with the nephews and showing them how to make criss cross fork marks on the top they ask why we are putting hash tags on the cookies.
They should send "Get well soon" cards to people who forgot to pay their water bill.
It’s amazing how the lowly potato gives us french fries, potato chips, and vodka. Other vegetables should take notes.
Whenever I delete text messages, I feel like I’m destroying evidence.
As funny as it might be, It's never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
"That looks interesting. I think I'll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
Sylvester Stallone is looking more and more like a G.I. Joe action figure that has been put in the microwave on high for 20 minutes.