When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
Women's magazines are so funny. 1: You're beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
"Mommy, can I lick the bowl?" "No, you can flush the toilet like normal kids."
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
I'd say I'm not a morning person but I'm really not sure I'm an evening person either.
Amigo
How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.