Insightful Statuses

New study says you idiots will believe anything that starts off with 'new study says.'
My life's paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Is there any way I can tell my bro he told a cool story without sounding sarcastic?
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
Started from the bottom. Still pretty much there...
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1PM and 2014.
I was addicted to the Hokey-Pokey but I turned myself around.
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