I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
You're not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
I have two modes. Sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
I treat my body like a temple. A Temple of Doom, but a temple nonetheless.
I'm right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
Botox doesn't make you look young, it makes you look like you think you're old.
I imagine death will be like sleeping but without my toddler kneeing me in the back.