When I'm not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
I feel bad for all the parents whose daughters will cross over from scary to slutty Halloween costumes this year.
Dear Zombies, Why not just eat other zombies? Sincerely, non-zombies.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
I've never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
My boss is an inspiration that one day someone as lazy as me can be in charge.