Insightful Statuses

I want piñatas at my funeral so people can be happy, but filled with bees so they're not too happy.
I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
Halloween - The only holiday that encourages our kids to take a break from not talking to strangers and not taking their free candy.
People say circumcision doesn’t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year.
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Denise Of Pa
Can someone help me with a way to permanently stop my husband's snoring? Any size pillow will do...
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that's not just the booze talking either".
For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers.
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