In London, firefighters had to free a man whose penis was stuck in his toaster. For some reason, the English wonder why we think they can’t cook.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I don't go to the gym because I saw on Oprah that's how most staph infections spread. See, I really do care about my health!
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
Amigo
I know the voices aren't real but they have some great ideas.
Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
I believe in magic because it's the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.